The Scratch & Sniff Tour...of Spring

There are some really cool advantages to being height challenged. When food drops to the floor, my low-riding, high velocity, 4 paw drive shifts in to gear and I can appropriate the wayward nibble in a snap! I’m also just the right height for two year old toddler hands…that are usually holding yummies! It’s convenient for scoring a taste, too! I just go up and give them a big lick right on their face (if I’m lucky, sometimes they taste like peas or carrots - bonus!). If they have a cookie in hand, they seem more than happy to share that with me, too!

One thing I can’t do is reach that door handle. So, it’s a mystery what to expect until the door is opened. Some days, it’s rainy and wet and Rosie will race out the door looking for Mr. Squirrel until she gets wet, then she runs back in the house, shakes off and gives us all a confused look like, “what just happened?” Of course, I have to go over and give her a sniff…yep, wet dog.

Okay, so today the door opens and no cold rain! Immediately, it’s snouts to the ground and we were off! Finding flowers to smell this winter has been nearly impawsible! First there were all these blankets outside covering stuff up…like big ghost-plants which is just downright scary to behold. I barked at them so they knew I had special powers. There was one day I saw these big red flowers and ran up, my dog heart racing with anticipation, and to my amazement and shock…they were imposters! Some kind of people joke, I’m sure, sticking fake flowers in a yard with dead grass. Ha ha. So, I left my signature on one and walked away.

But on today’s Scratch and Sniff Tour, what we happened upon made us stop and stare in disbelief. Tall, green grass…everywhere! Without hesitation, I plopped myself down right in the middle of this jungle and looked back at the Roo who was pouncing after a rogue lizard. As I looked up, I saw a bunch of those feathered upstarts flying overhead…I would deal with them another time; for now, I had snagged the prime spot and I wasn’t about to move!

Ahhhh…spring time is finally here!

As seen in the Spring 2010 edition of
The New Barker Magazine

The Superbowl is Coming!

So, I was sniffing out my tree-mail and leaving my signature, as needed until I spotted Rosie getting all serious, shoving her delicate diva-snout in a patch of grass with purpose. Well, whatever was going on was obviously going to require my personal attention, so I went over to see what was so important. Rosie had discovered a nicely decomposing lizard that had the most intoxicating fragrance. Eau De Decay!

Just as I was about to assimilate the aroma of this claim for myself, Mom decided it was time to move on. Bummer. Later that day, I told Smokey, our new puppy pal next door about our cool find and he was quick to share a few of his own points of interest. After giving him a good sniff, I could tell even at his young age that he possessed a discerning puppy palette for the "good stuff". Smokey was kinda showing off, so I think he's sweet on Rosie, but don't tell him I said that. Growl of Honor.

Smokey wanted to learn how to play football like a big dog, so I showed him some moves and he used those long schnauzer puppy legs to his advantage, but he was still a noob! As the star running back, I was going in for the touchdown and here comes Smokey breaking through and trying to tackle me. Paw-leeeze. Score!! After my very excessive celebration in the end zone, I let Smokey have the football to work practice runs. Rosie was playing referee and gave me two paws up when I scored.

After taking turns slurping water, we each lay in the grass breathing really hard and wondering if another dead lizard might be close by.

Yesterday, Daddy told us there was a Superbowl coming up and Rosie and I are very interested to see just how big a "super" bowl can be! Will it be filled with all the yummy-munchies our Auntie Sheryl sends us? Or maybe even the most coveted treat...cheese or maybe even turkey?

Whatever the contents, we are anticipating that Superbowl Sunday may well be our favorite Howliday of the year...maybe even better than Growl-O-Ween!

As seen in the Winter 2010 edition of

The New Barker Magazine

No Morsel Left Behind

as printed in the Spring 2009 edition of The New Barker


It all started one day when I was nosing around the sofa and a faint waft of some long lost crumb caught the attention of my highly calibrated SONAR (Sniff Out Num-nums And Recover) system. Not wanting to risk my find going public, I immediately shoved my snout as far as I could between the seat cushions in search of that elusive morsel. Darn it, those seat cushions are deep! So, I resorted to the next best thing. Long, deep snorts. Snort! Ahhhh. Snort! Things were going fine until daddy made me stop.

Then and there, I knew there was no shame in trolling for treats and by no means should any morsel, no matter how small, ever be left behind. Morsel-mania was born; I had a mission!

Then there is that kibble mystery; one moment it’s there and then suddenly…it’s gone! Who knows where it went!? I had a bite of yummy but then the bowl is empty just like that. Oh, I’ve pawed at my bowl and even nosed it around the house to see if the kibble might re-appear, but it never has. What’s most amazing is this happens all the time and when I look up from my suddenly empty bowl, mommy acts like everything is cool.

But, she does that about other stuff, too. Do you know that she doesn't even lick out her own bowl? and daddy's just as bad! Unbelievable, right? All that goodness wasted. Rosie and I savor those occasions when they'll let us do the lip smacking honor of cleaning their plates and bowls. And while Rosie has this speed-lick technique happening, I wield a torqued up, power swiper that can out-lick the best of them, paws down!

Just remember, you can be minding your own dog-business, nose to the ground, when a coveted piece of broccoli or carrot tidbit will drop right in front of you. The one second snag and scarf dogma rule says, ‘if you can snag said tidbit and scarf it down a second before mommy…or your sister can get to you…it’s all yours’!

Mission accomplished my fur friend!

Rosie's Little Hopper

as printed in the Winter 2008/2009 edition of The New Barker

I’m not covering for her anymore. Rosie is addicted to FDTV (Front Door Television) and when that’s not available, she resorts to the Wide Screen window-worldview where she keeps watch for lizards, squirrels, birds and any other animals of interest. She always talks about how some day she’s going to catch her own critter. Yadda yadda yadda.

But, the other day, she took things a step further. Rosie managed to smuggle a dried up, dead, but otherwise perfect specimen of a frog into the house. She showed it to me and immediately, her "cool factor" went up a solid notch.

What a find! Oh sure, shriveled up vermin are everywhere, but this prize was invaluable! She wanted a pet…or a dessert…(it's hard to tell sometimes) and carried it around with her from room to room and even curled up to sleep with it at nap time.

Her big mistake was taking her bragging rights too far. Mommy saw her rounding the corner with this blackened trophy in her mouth and, BUSTED! At first, mommy acted all grossed out. But, after she recovered, this little piece of contraband (who knew?) was finally retrieved, and after close inspection, we were all sufficiently impressed there was not so much as a single munch mark on the blackened carcass. Uh, oh…I really hope this isn't a sign of weakness on Rosie's part!

Then mommy made us sit down and told us "never EVER bite a frog" and made us pawmise to leave all frogs, dead or alive alone forever after. She was really being all serious and stuff, so we each offered our forepaws and shook on the agreement. Then to seal the deal, mommy gave us each crunchy treats…and a coveted tummy rub...SNAP!

More importantly, Rosie has mastered the skill of sneaking stuff in to the house. My protégé has learned quickly from the master. Well done, grasshopper.

The Dude

Today I am: The Dude. And Rosie is Lil’ Missy (she doesn’t like the name and refuses to call me “The Dude”, but that’s okay…I’m still calling her Lil’ Missy).

So, Me and Lil’ Missy started our day here at the Paw-derosa with our morning campfire kibble followed by mid-morning tummy rubs and a puppy power nap.

Then, we saddled up and rode down yonder to the Dude Ranch (aka “dog park” for you city folk) for a meeting with my posse to discuss important issues such as techniques for avoiding bath time and sharing tree-mail messages from the neighborhood gang. Lil’ Missy was trying to get everyone to chase her; she thinks its all fun and games (even in a Western, she’s just gotta be a Diva!).

There are these really big dudes on the other side of the fence. They like to poke their snouts through the links and stare us little guys down. Today, me and my posse took a stand! We taunted the big Dudes with a few barks, and then challenged them to a showdown… in the form of a lethal fence run. (Being good natured and all, we decided to let the big dudes win.) After gulping down refreshments at the watering hole, we sniffed each other and the meeting was then adjourned.

When we returned home, Dad and I shared some Dude time, and then we recharged our Dude and Lil’ Missy power packs with more naptime and the perfect treats…rawhides! ARF…I mean…um, Yeehaw!

Later, while I moseyed around the ranch being cool, Lil’ Missy ambushed me from the laundry room. That was it! Time for a good puppy smackdown! I am back to being the super puppy hero with puppy powers and a concealed cape! And Lil’ Missy is the Diva Roo and all is well in the House of Happy Nubs.

Alas, the Dude has left the ranch.

Sea Monster Flashback!

There’s a dirty trick that mom played on me when I was a wee pup. She airlifted my small, furry frame right in to the most horrifying place on earth: the evil bathtub. Horrors! And to make matters worse, there was a sea monster in there, too! Its face was this fizzing nozzle that sprayed water all over me…and it wasn’t by accident, either. Nope. Mom took aim, dousing me with one long spray of water and mistook my stunned reaction to this hideous ritual as somehow being enjoyable!

Without hesitation, I broke free and scampered to the edge of the tub in search of freedom. With all my puppy might, I tried to pull myself up out of that evil tub away from that sea monster; I even folded back my ears to maximize my aerodynamic exit. But, somehow mommy’s arm came out of nowhere and transported me right back in the middle of the torture chamber. What’s worse is I was then soaked from nose to nub with this icky watery lather.

Now, I will confess that at this point, there was a full body massage, which was kinda nice. It would have been greatly improved, though without the unnecessary inclusion of all that water afterwards. But, soon I was swooped from the tub to a big towel in daddy’s arms; safe at last.

The good news was that I had managed to make it through that evil bathtub monster experience in tact (believe me, I checked!). But, the bad news was this was only the first of many recurring evil bath tub events to come.

Let’s be reasonable. I am a dog. Does mommy have any clue how long it takes me to smell like a dog? The process, I have found, involves searching out just the right combination of wet grass, mud, and any assortment of eau de decay fragrances just waiting to be frolicked in to achieve this feat. And all it takes is one bath and I have to start all over again…trying to smell like a dog.

It’s just not right.

2007 SPCA Paws on Parade Petwalk

Dog costume parties are so cool...as long as the big G and me are only there as spectators! Roo! Of course, we were already stylin' in these rockin' red SPCA Paws on Parade Petwalk bandanas. We nosed up so many pawsome pooches and were quite impressed with all the decked out dogs ready to compete for best Halloween duds!

Three Roos to everyone who was there and all who support the SPCA!

Poos and Wayward Coolers

It’s getting all dark and thundery outside and mom decides to take Rosie and me outside for a “quick potty”. Of course, the first thing we do when we go out is paws, stick our snouts in the wind and get the latest news on who’s been where and what they left behind, if anything. This is essential, and yet mommy insists on interrupting our a-roam-a-therapy session with her prods for us to get down to business.

Well, first of all, this is our business. We are monitoring the entire cul-de-sac for friend and foe; all mere steps from our front door. In fact, I used my puppy superpowers just the other day when I eyed some scary looking box on our neighbor’s driveway. Without hesitation, I rushed at the offender (keeping a prudent distance, of course), the dog fur on my neck spiked as my super cape unfurled and I barked with intent at that imposter!

Mom kept saying it’s just a cooler, but what she doesn’t know is how dangerous this ‘cooler’ was before I rendered it harmless with my GPS (Guinness Puppy Subwoofer).

So, Rosie and I oblige and do our bit for grass and weed. Now, this is what’s interesting. Mom would not appreciate us gracing her floors with our poos. So, why does she make this big deal about picking up our poos and bringing them INTO the house? Answer that one.

I can’t help but stare with my head tilted and my mouth open in a giant grin as she eagerly scoops up our recently deposited treasures and then rushes in the house with her bagged prize. And mommy thinks our passion for sniffing dead lizards is illogical. At least we don’t bring them in the house (mainly because when we do, she takes them away and we never see them again!).

I just finished rolling in some smelly stuff on the sidewalk and I notice that Rosie is now barking at her pet squirrel that’s just scrambled up the tree. Let’s face it; dogs do stuff that makes sense.

2007 Guinness & Rosie Barkalutions

Guinness and Rosie share with you their dreams of achievement from the bottom of their Canine-American doghearts for the coming year.

Guinness:

2007 will be the year I catch the big one…a duck, that is. Yep. Before I herd it back to the lake I’ll use my super puppy powers to crouch low, sneak up and snag him! I’m not sure what I plan to do with the duck once I have him; probably just ruffle his feathers and let him go. You know, most fowl have no sense of humor. Either way, it’s going to be fun for me!

Rosie:

I’ve got huge plans for this year; I’m going to grow up big and climb trees. Guinness can sniff and read his tree-mail all he wants and judging by the number of tree-mail accounts he has all over the place, I'd say he’s pretty pawpular. Nope, my interest is in tracking one of those snarky squirrels right up in to the tree itself! They're always running around stealing stuff and scrambling up out of reach. Now, I like my petrified frog and my nearly dead limping lizard; but my goal is to get a pet squirrel to chase around by the lakeside. Who knows? Maybe we could even have a squirrel tossing contest…those bushy tails have to be good for something!?

Together, we wish you tummy rubs every morning and a dog treat on your puppy pillow every night. May you enjoy the very best in 2007.

Merry Christmas from Guinness & Rosie

Thanksgiving is over and boy was it yummy
With big bites of turkey that filled up our tummy!
With Uncle Greg, Cousin Tango and Daddy we played
We ran and we rooed, then we called it a day!

The best part of Christmas is the late morning snooze,
In a big bed with mommy and daddy and Roo,
Under blankets and pillows the Roo and I dream
Of huge slabs of turkey and sautéed green beans!

So if your holidays seem to race by like a blur
And your invites all start with Dear Madam or Sir,
No matter how formal the dress codes may hail,
As Pembrokes, remember for us there’s no tails!

Have a very Corgi Christmas and a Pawsperous New Year!

Party Animals

When Rosie and I hopped in the backseat for a ride, little did we know mommy was taking us to a big dog party! There were dogs everywhere and the only thing I could surmise is that they were here to see me because of my puppy super powers and to meet the Diva Roo in person. This kind of thing happens all the time.

We were busy greeting everyone with a nose to nose ‘hello’ when we discovered a unique benefit to partying with the big dogs; Rosie and I could cruise by being all cool and catch a sniff with nothing more than a casual turn of our snouts!

But, the best part was the dog treats...they were everywhere! Me and the Roo scarfed down as many crunchy pup-munchies as we could get and the liver treats were yummy enough to make us smack our chops…Snap!

Mom says it was a fundraiser for the SPCA. All I have to say is it was one fur-tastic soiree!

Rain, Rain...Go Away!

The Roo is back! Guinness is doing his doga stretches so this Diva Roo decided to take matters in to her own paws.

It's summertime and hot. When we go to the DP (mom's code for dog park), we bark and paw at the gate until it opens...then the race is on! A fence chase with the big dogs is always riveting. But, in the summertime, three or four chases is all we can manage until we have to gulp down some water and find a shady spot in the dirt to plop down.

Lately, right around prime duck herding hour, it starts to rain. Big "roo" on THAT. Mommy seems quite happy with the rain for the grass and stuff. But I ask you; what about the ducks? So every afternoon, I lay by the FDTV (front door television) and stare out at the drops of water eating away at my chase time and wonder...where are the ducks?
Surely they miss me as much as I miss them. I have a turbo charged 4 speed quadro-ped engine just waiting for some action! When I'm at full tilt, my bunny-butt can compete with the best of them! And when we marshal the lakeside, no fowl dares hesitate.

So I chew on my bone and wait. Then the rain stops. Snap! Let the herding begin!

The Thrill of the Kill

Our adopted parents have this strange illuminated screen they sit and stare at rather intently while their fore-paws are tapping away at a keyboard. How completely boring. Especially, when they could be busy doing things of infinitely higher importance.

Such as a tummy rub for me…or a good scratch behind the ears…followed by a tummy rub (I’m flexible!). I nudge them with my nose, even roll on my back, but a quick pat on the head is all I get. So, I leave and return with one of my many projects: a squeak toy that is in need of a good de-squeaking.

You see, Rosie and I have power chompers. That’s right, we are uniquely qualified in this talent. We can fix the squeaking problem of most any toy; plastic or stuffed. If it squeaks, our power chompers are primed and ready at a moments notice to thrash, tug, chew and pull apart every part of that toy to get to the problem causing the squeak and remove it.

No matter how tough the toy or how much it resists, we always get our squeaker. Mommy must appreciate our precisely honed skill as she is always bringing home more of these intact toys in dire need of disemboweling. In fact, there’s only one thing that feels better than ripping the stuffing out of our victim (for medical reasons only, of course!). That’s right!

It’s the thrill of the kill!

The Roo Speaks

Guinness agreed that it was time that I addressed my fans and friends out there. I am known, of course as the Diva Dog, the Golden Roo Child, and the Drama Queen...and I'm cute, too! Now, you may get the impression that I'm the impetuous little sister that likes to lay in wait to ambush my unsuspecting big brother and take his toys, etc.…and that’s kinda true.

Except…well, there’s so much more to it than that!

Why be only one dimensional when it comes to picking on your big brother? I’m talking strategy and being sneaky and stuff like that. Like waiting until Guinness is sprawled out in one of his big puppy stretches and he’s trying to look irresistible for mommy or daddy…then, like a tiger, I come racing out of nowhere and pounce right on his belly! ROO!

Or, if Guinness is showing off by using his super puppy powers to fly and catch the Frisbee, I’ll be waiting for him to nip his furry little bottom when he lands, then try to take ownership of the Frisbee!

Oh, and by the way taking his stuff is one thing…charming my way in to keeping his stuff, is just brilliant, don’t you think?

Of course, he doesn't always appreciate my sense of humor, but there’s usually a good round of puppy smackdown that follows any of my pranks, so my ornery and frequently spirited attitude of play has its mutual rewards.

All in all though, Guinness is my best bud in the whole world. We hunt squirrels, herd ducks and sniff dead lizards together...all activities mommy and daddy refuse to partake in.

Here’s a ROO out to everyone reading this blog!

I’ll be back!

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Dog naps are one of the true perks in the canine kingdom. The real trick is to always keep one eye kinda open in case something interesting happens...like a people food morsel drops to the floor or your little sister tries to sneak up on you for a surprise attack. These are things you should always be prepared for, naps notwithstanding.

I think the Roo is dreaming of licking out that last bit of her peanut butter Kong. There's nothing like a yummy treat and then a good long nap. She likes to cuddle with daddy every chance she gets, too.

I like a good cuddle, too but not for too long. I have super puppy powers to think about and I can't risk getting my cape all wrinkly and stuff.

Honeymoon Island

I have this theory. When Daddy and Mommy tell us they are leaving for 'work', that must be like a dog park for humans! Yep. They probably go and chase Frisbees and roll on the ground all day long. Then we get to go with them on the weekends. Of course, the other possibility is that they are really going to the groomers for a bath....ugh! What a horrible thought...a bath every day!? Perish the thought!

The other morning, Rosie and I went for a ride to the dog park...or so we thought! Daddy and Mommy were chatting away and before we knew it, we were there...but there wasn't there...it was here and here was somewhere completely different!

Then we saw our cousin, Casey and oh, boy the fun started right away! We strolled through the park area taking in all the dog sniffs we could get away with and met lots of other canines. Then, we snarfed up treats and sported our totally cool bandanas for the Humane Society.

But the most awesome part was the beach. This was a first for Casey, Rosie and me. When Daddy showed me what looked like dreaded bath water coming to take us all away...I barked at it until it retreated, then walked away knowing I had saved the world once again.

It came back.

At that point, I was determined to become it's nemesis, which would require my full super puppy power skills and the official unfurling of my cape to conquer this relentless adversary.

Of course, while I was wrestling with my rival, Rosie and Casey enjoyed a good game of chase. Then Daddy played Frisbee with all of us and we reveled in the sand until we dropped.

Rosie fell asleep on the way home. She and the rest of the world can sleep blissfully, now that the threat of the evil beach water has been vanquished.

It's called Honeymoon Island, but we call it a puppy's paradise!

A Brush with the Fairy-Dogmother

Rosie demonstrating the power of FDTV

One day last week, while the Roo was watching FDTV (Front Door Television) and I was sprawled out on my back in my classic doga pose, "Share It With The World"; mommy was rummaging about in some box that seemed rather important to her.

Without warning, she snapped out this baggie clearly labeled, "Rosie's Puppy Teeth".

Well. Let me tell you. Thank goodness Rosie can't read, yet. I thought, self, be cool and no harm done. Right?

But, no. Mommy then proceeds to proudly display her find and announce to daddy that Rosie's baby teeth were so much smaller than mine. Duh?

By now, Rosie's attention had been diverted from the FDTV and she is now cocking her little head clockwise, then counter-clockwise, then back again - all the while staring at the baggie.

Rosie wondering what prize mommy has found!

The Fairy-Dogmother is a serious right of passage for all puppies. I remember mommy taking every tooth as Rosie lost them, placing them under Rosie's pillow at night and the hyper-Roo actually stayed really still and slept all night so that in the morning...the Fairy-Dogmother would leave a dog biscuit in place of the puppy tooth.

Oh, sure, she'd take her biscuit and parade around and show off; but it was hers and she earned it.

Damage Control Alert!!! I knew I had to do something, and quick!

I immediately sprang into action and quickly nosed her ear with one of her favorite tug toys and she took off after me - we enjoyed a puppy smack down until mommy started digging in to some other box. Whew. Another bullet dodged.

Me giving Rosie a "pre-smackdown" distraction

The Fairy-Dogmother's tail should be preserved.

Mini-Me...or SHE?

Have you ever looked at someone and felt like you were looking at a mirror of yourself? You have? Really? Well, I can't say that I have. But listen to this...the other day mommy comes in from work and daddy isn't with her. WHAT? No frisbee time!? So not cool. Mom throws like a girl. Big surprise there. In situations like these...you skip the Frisbee and go for a treat. Mom's a softie.

After the Roo and I sumptously feasted on our kibble and had a good round of puppy smack down (for mommy's entertainment, of course), daddy came home...with HER! When I beheld Casey's perky ears, mascara rimmed blue eyes and nubby tail, it was dogbreath-taking! Who was this mysterious canine creature of lovliness that looked just like...a mini-me!?

Me with Rosie and Casey with her parents
(my Uncle and Auntie) David and Bridget

Oh, no! Casey's a SHE! Well, being the debonaire dog of wonder that I am, I introduced myself with a quick sniff to her tiny, fluffy Corgi behind. But, before I could proceed you know who (the ROO!) shoves her little face in there between me and my subject du jour, grabs a good whiff and proceeds to take over!

How RUDE! But, Casey seemed to love it! I couldn't believe it. Rosie even took her from room to room showing her all MY toys (like they belong to her!). Then they played Rosie's favorite game "catch me if you can" and little Casey raced as fast as her short legs could carry her! Mommy was saying it's Rosie's motherly instincts, but I say she's just a glory hound.

Casey and Me acting cool with the Glory "Roo" Hound

Before the night was over, Casey and I did mingle a bit, compared notes and then she fell asleep in the same puppy bed I had when I was her age. She looked so peaceful.

Casey taking a snooze in my old puppy bed

We were sad when she went home with her adopted parents. But, some day I'm going to reveal my true identity as the Super Power Pup and show her my cape and all.

Some day.

Just a Waft is all We Ask

When Rosie and I take mommy for a walk by the lake, she doesn't always seem to fully appreciate the time it takes for us to thoroughly sniff the grass, trees and other odd and sometimes smelly and/or damp items we happen to discover.

At a moments notice, I can burrow my snout so deep in the right spot in the grass and take a deep whiff...ahhhh...but it's not long before I'm being shoved aside by the "Roo" and my find has now gone public.

Ah, but for that brief moment, it was all mine.

And the lake has all these ducks that need to be herded. It's the wildest coincidence that Rosie and I happen to be the smallest of the herding breed! When I see those feathered upstarts feasting about on crumbs, I feel emboldened by my calling and chase them back to the water where they belong...mission accomplished.

Me with my Protege...a Duck chase is in the offing!

Then, there's a roster of canines that have registered with individual trees that must be reviewed. Sniff. Review. Sniff. Of course, I must add my signature of approval. This is an important part of my job as a dog with superpowers. Being a girl, Rosie doesn't get to add her signature, but she can sniff and wish.

Can you believe that sometimes mommy starts pulling on our leash like what I'm doing is not essentially significant to the peaceful coexistence of man and beast worldwide? I hope she remembers this the next time mommy sniffs a tree or dead lizard or some other delightfully putrid substance.