No Morsel Left Behind

as printed in the Spring 2009 edition of The New Barker


It all started one day when I was nosing around the sofa and a faint waft of some long lost crumb caught the attention of my highly calibrated SONAR (Sniff Out Num-nums And Recover) system. Not wanting to risk my find going public, I immediately shoved my snout as far as I could between the seat cushions in search of that elusive morsel. Darn it, those seat cushions are deep! So, I resorted to the next best thing. Long, deep snorts. Snort! Ahhhh. Snort! Things were going fine until daddy made me stop.

Then and there, I knew there was no shame in trolling for treats and by no means should any morsel, no matter how small, ever be left behind. Morsel-mania was born; I had a mission!

Then there is that kibble mystery; one moment it’s there and then suddenly…it’s gone! Who knows where it went!? I had a bite of yummy but then the bowl is empty just like that. Oh, I’ve pawed at my bowl and even nosed it around the house to see if the kibble might re-appear, but it never has. What’s most amazing is this happens all the time and when I look up from my suddenly empty bowl, mommy acts like everything is cool.

But, she does that about other stuff, too. Do you know that she doesn't even lick out her own bowl? and daddy's just as bad! Unbelievable, right? All that goodness wasted. Rosie and I savor those occasions when they'll let us do the lip smacking honor of cleaning their plates and bowls. And while Rosie has this speed-lick technique happening, I wield a torqued up, power swiper that can out-lick the best of them, paws down!

Just remember, you can be minding your own dog-business, nose to the ground, when a coveted piece of broccoli or carrot tidbit will drop right in front of you. The one second snag and scarf dogma rule says, ‘if you can snag said tidbit and scarf it down a second before mommy…or your sister can get to you…it’s all yours’!

Mission accomplished my fur friend!

Rosie's Little Hopper

as printed in the Winter 2008/2009 edition of The New Barker

I’m not covering for her anymore. Rosie is addicted to FDTV (Front Door Television) and when that’s not available, she resorts to the Wide Screen window-worldview where she keeps watch for lizards, squirrels, birds and any other animals of interest. She always talks about how some day she’s going to catch her own critter. Yadda yadda yadda.

But, the other day, she took things a step further. Rosie managed to smuggle a dried up, dead, but otherwise perfect specimen of a frog into the house. She showed it to me and immediately, her "cool factor" went up a solid notch.

What a find! Oh sure, shriveled up vermin are everywhere, but this prize was invaluable! She wanted a pet…or a dessert…(it's hard to tell sometimes) and carried it around with her from room to room and even curled up to sleep with it at nap time.

Her big mistake was taking her bragging rights too far. Mommy saw her rounding the corner with this blackened trophy in her mouth and, BUSTED! At first, mommy acted all grossed out. But, after she recovered, this little piece of contraband (who knew?) was finally retrieved, and after close inspection, we were all sufficiently impressed there was not so much as a single munch mark on the blackened carcass. Uh, oh…I really hope this isn't a sign of weakness on Rosie's part!

Then mommy made us sit down and told us "never EVER bite a frog" and made us pawmise to leave all frogs, dead or alive alone forever after. She was really being all serious and stuff, so we each offered our forepaws and shook on the agreement. Then to seal the deal, mommy gave us each crunchy treats…and a coveted tummy rub...SNAP!

More importantly, Rosie has mastered the skill of sneaking stuff in to the house. My protégé has learned quickly from the master. Well done, grasshopper.